In this edition:
- What’s lacking in good introductions
- Inspiration from great films
- Breakdowns of story beats
- LinkedIn copywriting frameworks
- Why “hacks” aren’t always bad
Top of mind:
It frustrates me to no end.
Makes me want to slam my head against the keyboard, rethink my life choices, and question why I ever became an editor.
You opened the email, so you knew exactly what we’re talking about…
???? ??????.
More specifically, intros that start from a point of neutrality.
What makes neutrality bad is it doesn’t show the reader how to feel about what they’re reading, and it doesn’t give the author any momentum for what they’re writing
Consider the following:
“?? ???’?? ? ?????? ??? ????????? ??? ???????? ? ????????, ?? ????? ?? ??????? ???? ?????? ????????? ?? ????? ??. ????????????? ???? ???? ???? ??? ???? ?? ?? ???? ?? ????????? ?? ????? ?? ?? ?????????? — ??? ?????? ? ???? ?? ????-???? ????? ?? ???? ???? ??? ????.”
???
This is a pretty standard neutral intro with no distinguishing features.
???’? ???? ?? ??????, ????? ???
First, we’re going to cut all of this.
” ̶I̶f̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶’r̶e̶ ̶a̶ ̶p̶e̶r̶s̶o̶n̶ ̶w̶h̶o̶ ̶o̶r̶g̶a̶n̶i̶z̶e̶s̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶o̶p̶e̶r̶a̶t̶e̶s̶ ̶a̶ ̶b̶u̶s̶i̶n̶e̶s̶s̶,̶ ̶i̶t̶ ̶t̶a̶k̶e̶s̶ ̶o̶n̶ ̶g̶r̶e̶a̶t̶e̶r̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶n̶ ̶n̶o̶r̶m̶a̶l̶ ̶s̶t̶r̶e̶s̶s̶o̶r̶s̶ ̶i̶n̶ ̶d̶o̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶s̶o̶.̶ ̶”̶
We know.
The entire blog is for people who run businesses. ?
Instead, we might say something like this…
???’?? ?????? ??? ????????, ???? ?? ??? ???????, ??? ???? ????-????????? ????? ?? ??????? ?? ?? ?????.
??????? ?? ?:???? ?????? ???????.
Even though this is still talking to the generic “entrepreneur” (that’s another conversation) we’re opening from a place with some kind of energetic charge.
⚡️But before we get into charges ⚡️
There’s something else at play from a storytelling framework that comes from the book Save The Cat (non-spon).
That’s the opening image.
Here’s what “Save the Cat” says about the opening image:
The Opening Image is a thematic or grabbing visual image, scene, or short sequence which sets the tone of your movie. It often serves as the “before” picture of your hero (or world) that will transform throughout the story.
For example:
Opening image from The Prestige
The opening image from Pride & Prejudice
The opening image from Raging Bull
It’s an introduction to the characters, topics, and theme of the content.
(This should go without saying, but this concept applies to writing too)
The opening image, to me, is different from “The Hook” because it’s less about grabbing attention, and more about creating a strong visual for the reader to imagine themselves in.
I’ve actually used the opening image twice times in this email already, can you spot them?
It’s my personal opinion that “The Hook” is derived from the opening image, and not the other way around.
More on that another day.
⚡️Back to charges ⚡️
The biggest gripe with B2B introductions is they often start from a place of neutrality.
There is no emotion behind them.
In any other medium except B2B, the openings start in one of two places:
- Positive charge
- Negative charge
In Fight Club, the narrator has the barrel of a gun in his mouth.
The opening image of Fight Club
In Toy Story, Andy is playing with Woody.
In the intro to this email, I’m banging my head against my desk…
Now, the concept of charges is not mine.
Robert McKee talks about this way better in his must-read book, “Story“, but the idea is that to move the story forward and make something happen, scenes must start and end on opposing charges.
If you start negative, you go positive. If you start positive, you go negative.
That way you always have somewhere to go. Something is always happening.
Let’s go back to the real-world example from above.
Here’s a refresher:
???’?? ?????? ??? ????????, ???? ?? ??? ???????, ??? ???? ????-????????? ????? ?? ??????? ?? ?? ?????.
??????? ?? ?:???? ?????? ???????.
We might move into the next section with a phrase like:
??? ????? ??? ??????? ?? ???, ??? ?? ?:???? ?????? ???????, ???’?? ???? ????????? ?? ???? ??? ?????’? ???? ?? ?????.
Did you feel that? Something happened.
There’s also something else going on here. The “Hook” in this case is subtextual, and it’s done by creating an open loop or a curiosity gap.
You leave the reader wanting to know what comes next.
But you know what… we’re just about 700 words in, so we’ll save that for another day.
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What’s on our radar?
? 25 opening scenes and what makes them great
? A crash course on opening images (2.5 mins)
? Story breakdown beat sheets.
9️⃣ Ways to write an opening line. (8 mins)
✍️ Write intros that stand out (4 min)
Let’s get social
I’m not generally a fan of “hooks” but the examples in Taylin’s carousel here are undeniably good.
From “The Vault”
The Vault is a collection of articles that have been edited by guest editors on The Cutting Room.
Look at raw drafts and see how editors from companies like Writer.com, Calendly, Airtable, and more give their feedback in the doc.
In Brendan Hufford’s edit on The Cutting Room, he emphasizes the point of doing what needs to get done to grab attention, but also bashes on our overreliance on stats and how it reduces our authority by delegating it to someone else. Totally worth skimming.
Want to be edited on The Cutting Room?
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See you in the next one ✌️
Tommy Walker | The Content Studio
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